Single Women and Suicide

It seems almost ironic that I would hear about this new study on the radio this morning, the day after I started this blog. The unfortunate reality is that it only emphasises the plight of women in western society.

http://www.fmwf.com/newsarticle.php?id=1592&cat=5

I find it interesting that it pin points cohabiting women as well as single women. If it were merely single women, then it would be easy to make the correlation between suicide and a woman's emotional need for a relationship. By showing that the alarming suicide rate also effects cohabiting women it shows that just having a man is not enough. We see it in all aspects of society. If I can have a nicer car, I'll be happy. If I can get a better job, I'll be happy. If I can have a boyfriend, I'll be happy. If I live with him, I'll be happy. But rarely does it actually happen that way. The reality rarely meets the expectation. We usually find that one possession only brings with it the desire for the next best thing. It is the old adage: money can't buy happiness.

So how does that relate to relationships? As soon as women hit puberty, they feel pressured to be in a relationship. All of a sudden the ability to be attractive, be accepted, and be popular all hinge on the ability to get a man.* So you get a boyfriend. The two of you hold hands and eat lunch together. Some of your friends may even be jealous. But you still aren't being invited into the circle of "cool" people. If anything, they are teasing you more. Why? You must be cool because you have a boyfriend, right? Fast forward a few years. You get into high school, emotions get more complicated. Relationships might actually last longer than a month. Now it's not that you have to have a boyfriend to be "cool," but there is obviously something wrong with you if you don't have one. Then no guy will want to date you. So you'll do anything to get and keep a guy. You'll drop everything to spend time with him or do things for him. You'll compromise yourself in the name of "love." You'll become distant from your friends as you spend more and more time with your boyfriend. Your friends tell you that they don't like how much time you're spending with him, but you're sure they're just jealous. Before you know it, you're putting all of the effort into the relationship, but what is he doing? Buying you something nice for holidays? Is that enough? Everyone else seems happier in their relationship than you are. What do they have that you don't?

Even if you haven't started dating yet, I'm sure you've seen what I'm describing. I mean, men are only human. No one is perfect so you can't expect relationships to be perfect. No, I'm certainly not suggesting that relationships are perfect. And few things will ever meet your expectations, but does that mean that you should lower your expectations? Absolutely not. But let's not get too far from the point. Why is it that you don't feel happier after you have a boyfriend? Oh yes, you feel "in love," but are you happier about you? Do you think that you're more attractive, better accepted, and more popular? Probably not. The truth is that you cannot be happy until you learn to love yourself. Learn to be happy with who you are. It will foster a new confidence and self assurance that men truly will find appealing and attractive. And it will give you the ability to judge what is best for you and hopefully keep you away from destructive relationships.

So, back to our study. Why do single and cohabiting women feel a greater desperation than married women? Who is at fault? Society? The woman? Her family? Her boyfriend? There are so many environmental factors in today's society that can effect a woman's way of thinking. There is the pressure from peers at an early age to date. There is pressure when you're an adult from family to get married and start a family. There is society which seems to discourage commitment. After all, if you get married then you might get divorced. Divorce is expensive. Cohabiting is the next best thing. You get all the perks of being married without the red tape if you decide to split up. That might be great if we are dogs, breeding a different mate every time, but we are humans. It is in our nature to mate for life. As women, we tend to feel this instinct more strongly than men. So we enter into cohabitation believing that it is commitment. Yet, what hold him to that commitment without marriage? How much could you stand to lose without the legal protection of marriage. And yet cohabitation is happening more frequently, couples living together for years without ever getting married. It can leave the woman feeling insecure. As in high school, we wonder "why doesn't he want to marry me?" There must be something wrong with you, right? Wrong. There is something wrong with him. Your only fault was loving him more than you loved yourself, which is what we're here to fix. That and to help you find a better man who wouldn't put you in that situation.

*Note: I have not forgotten about the lesbians, I assure you. For them it is even more difficult since social stereotypes hold true more so in high school than in any other aspect of society. It is usually in these early teen years that they will at least try to date boys because their desire to be accepted is even greater due to their unique circumstance. They will feel like outcasts without really knowing why, despite the lengths they go to in order to belong. After high school, you can just as easily substitute the need for a man as the need for a woman. Insecurities remain the same. There is still a deep desire to belong and feel accepted.